White Neo-Pagans Cast Magic Missle

All White Neo-Pagans (WNP) long to dress-up in velvety robes, feel the cool assurance that only comes with chain armor, or breathe in deep the ancient oil perfume that comes from cracked leather straps.

This might sound a bit kinky to some, and while some WNP might be into that too, there's a moment in every WNP's past where, surrounded by chips and dip and perhaps candlelight, they failed their saving throw and their half-elf druid went tumbling down into the Pit of Eternal Despair.

Most WNPs got their start in Paganism by rolling dice and saving the damsel from the Tower of No Return. There's something about the past mingled with mythology that tugs at every WNP's soul, making them want to relive it. There's not a problem on Middle Earth that can't be solved by taking a deep breath, wrinkling up your nose, bulging out your eyes, and blasting lighting from your hands. And even if that wasn't a proper solution, the problem was probably blasted to kingdom come. Satisfaction and sulfuric-scented air. Boom baby!

The only problem that can't be solved this way is when it comes to cleaning your room. Mothers everywhere are still +100 Resist Crits.

Even when the successful WNP makes the leap from the Dungeon Master's Guide to Uncle Bucky's Big Blue Book of Witchcraft, there's still a desire to see lighting bolts dancing from their fingertips and magic missiles flying off into the darkness. Otherwise, what's the point?

This desire can be so strong that it will come up in workshops and training classes, although it will be labeled as "Goddess Energy" or "Magick" or "Chi" or something else that you can't see without your Third Eye. Or a bottle of Jimmy Bean.