Looking Sharp

WNPs love their knick knacks, especially the ones that alarm onlookers. Of the many doodads that adorn a WVPs altar, we will start with the double-edged relationship WVPs have with their ritual blades known as an Athame (Ah-tham-mays).

The WNPs who thrive within structure will insist to no end that PROPER athames must have a black handle and can only be owned when given by other WNP that they respect. To suggest otherwise is simply heresy and is never to be questionned because Uncle Bucky and Gerry the Gardner will surely rise from their graves and smite thee.

Other freeform WNPs prefer the energetic stylings that only the Klingon empire can provide. The main design concept behind these blades seems to be to either scare the bejesus out of their parents or to so distract their opponents that they can easily club them over the head with their Book of Shadows (see future blog post). The pommel barely has room for a hand to grip it comfortably without being gored (perhaps to ensure that they can never let go) and the blade itself is often so twisted, people will be left to wonder if its owner left the athame sitting out in the sun too long.

Secretly, such WNPs hope that they can find the secret button in this athame that will cause 16 extra blades to pop out of the hilt with a satisfying SHING. Kapla, my Klingon brothers! It is a good day to die!

And even if you find a WNP who doesn't care for such ornate artifacts, the plainness of his/her athame will be inversely proportional to the story that goes with it. "No no," the WNP will beam. "The handle is made from a rare african nut tree, hand carved by a lost tribe of monks, and transported to American by highly envolved sea turtles. They even have their own website!"

White Neo-Pagans Cast Magic Missle

All White Neo-Pagans (WNP) long to dress-up in velvety robes, feel the cool assurance that only comes with chain armor, or breathe in deep the ancient oil perfume that comes from cracked leather straps.

This might sound a bit kinky to some, and while some WNP might be into that too, there's a moment in every WNP's past where, surrounded by chips and dip and perhaps candlelight, they failed their saving throw and their half-elf druid went tumbling down into the Pit of Eternal Despair.

Most WNPs got their start in Paganism by rolling dice and saving the damsel from the Tower of No Return. There's something about the past mingled with mythology that tugs at every WNP's soul, making them want to relive it. There's not a problem on Middle Earth that can't be solved by taking a deep breath, wrinkling up your nose, bulging out your eyes, and blasting lighting from your hands. And even if that wasn't a proper solution, the problem was probably blasted to kingdom come. Satisfaction and sulfuric-scented air. Boom baby!

The only problem that can't be solved this way is when it comes to cleaning your room. Mothers everywhere are still +100 Resist Crits.

Even when the successful WNP makes the leap from the Dungeon Master's Guide to Uncle Bucky's Big Blue Book of Witchcraft, there's still a desire to see lighting bolts dancing from their fingertips and magic missiles flying off into the darkness. Otherwise, what's the point?

This desire can be so strong that it will come up in workshops and training classes, although it will be labeled as "Goddess Energy" or "Magick" or "Chi" or something else that you can't see without your Third Eye. Or a bottle of Jimmy Bean.

White Neo-Pagans Like the First Post

This is my first post. I'll admit that I'm building upon the brilliance of others; I heard an interview on CBC with a guy who create a blog called Stuff White People Like. After reading a few entries, I thought it would be fun to start a similar blog about the Pagan community.

So why the controversial "White Neo-Pagans"? Well, there are a few notions behind that. Most of the Neo-Pagans I know are white, no way around it. I also know a few Asian, African, Haitian, Native pagans too, but the majority are white Canadians (of which I am one with my mixed mutthood of Irish and French heritages). If I can keep this blog going, I imagine I'll have posts about other ethnicities too. No one is truly safe, not really.

Also, there's something inherently alarming about the word "White" in modern-day usage. The other colours of the rainbow don't seem to suffer from the same PR problems that the colour White does. No one seems alarmed (and rightly so) by the Red Cross, the GCC, or the NABFA.

I'm not sure what it is, but it's right up there with the word "Men" (as in Men's Club, Men's Fraternity, and Mennen). But that's a whole other blog.

So welcome to this rollercoaster ride. Keep in mind that it's meant to be tongue in cheek and if you get offended by what you read here, it probably means that the post applies to you somehow, but you hope nobody realizes it ("OMG... that post is soooooo Bob the Bad Pagan!").